Speaking up for yourself

A significant SIGN in my life occurred just yesterday. I was shopping in the local bulk food store, purchasing a pound of couscous, which by the way is not expensive. The total came to over $8. My intuition told me this was too expensive but I did not challenge the clerk. I kept quiet. After I arrived home, I took the time to examine the bill. It was then I realized the clerk had pushed in the wrong code and had charged me for ‘rondelles d’ananas’. Silently I scolded myself for not speaking up.

Why is the SIGN you might ask? While a relatively innocuous incident, which cost me an extra $5 or so, I realized that not speaking up is a SIGN of a much greater issue. I began to question myself about the other areas of my life and where I am not speaking up?

This has been a theme in the last few weeks. This pattern began to emerge in many of my coaching conversations with clients. I noticed that so many of them were choosing not to speak up in their lives. This occurred in a variety of situations: not speaking up at work for fear of consequences, not asking for what they wanted from a relationship, not setting clear boundaries with friends or family members. The result of not speaking up - you feel slightly abused by others or circumstances, under-appreciated and to use and old expression, a little like ‘chopped liver’.

I have learned that the first important step on the journey of self-discovery is to put yourself first. Oh, I know this smacks of selfishness, so I am here to challenge you to think otherwise. Let me introduce a new concept – SELFNESS.

Selfness is the art and practice of looking inward. It affords you the time to pause and breathe. It creates the space you need to get re-acquainted with yourself, what is important to you and what it is you truly want.

You may still be thinking that this is selfish, or at least self-indulgent. Let me propose an alternative. Selfness allows you to be of service to yourself. This is an unselfish act. Why? Because over the long run, you will not be able to continue to serve those important others in your life, is you are not healthy and strong. Being of service to others begins with being of service to self.

Then what? Taking this time, allows you to become clear about what it is you want, and define your personal boundaries, those important Yes’s and No’s in your life. And this is where your voice comes back in.

Have you noticed that you hesitate to stand up for yourself?

Are you having difficulty saying NO to others - your kids, your spouse, a co-worker or your boss, even when you know the YES is not in your best interest?

Does your body feel tired and fatigued, as if the weight of the world rests on your shoulders?

These are all SIGNS begging you to pay attention and asking you to start exercising your voice and speaking up for yourself. Here are the steps:

1.Listen to your heart and your intuition and understand what is not aligned in your life

2.Take time to pause and be clear on what you want

3.Give voice to what you want –speak up!

4.Start saying NO when NO is the right answer.

I read a wonderful quote from Jack Canfield in his book Success Principles which said, I am not saying NO to you, I am saying YES to me. Start saying YES to you.

By the way I am returning to the store with my couscous and challenging the bill.

Until next time,

Betty