The cross dresser

For some it may be mom’s panties, for others it’s her fine silk stockings. No matter what the item is, all you know is that the drive to do it is strong. But you’re a boy. A voice inside you is saying, this is not quite right. You are not supposed to like it, but you do. You can’t seem to stop yourself. You just have to do it.

You get older and puberty hits. Sexual urges are strong. You masturbate, as does every other teenager, yet it’s different for you. This attraction to women’s clothing is part of your sexuality. You use it to fantasize and to masturbate. It becomes obsessive. You are torn between the realities of your real gender and the fantasies and the intense sexual arousal that consume you.

We are talking about Transvestic Fetishism, recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges or behaviours involving cross-dressing.

Most who have experienced this know that with this sexual pleasure often comes a price, overwhelming feelings of guilt, paranoia, isolation, self-hatred and confusion. You may try to deny the cross-dressing by repressing the behaviour and purging (destruction or disposal of all women’s clothing and accessories). Some men overcompensate by projecting an image of extreme masculinity. The person who suffers with Transvestic Fetishism is often very self-conscious of his body language. From how he sits to how he talks to hand gestures. They often avoid certain clothing or colours that may make one question their masculinity. In public, the person stays away from anything that may connect them to anything feminine. All this is to avoid suspicion.

It is important to note that sexual orientation and cross-dressing are two completely separate things. Cross-dressers, who cross dress for sexual reasons, are heterosexual males. They go on to marry and have children. For some, the hope is that marriage will “cure” them. They soon realize that the desire to cross-dress returns. Many continue to hide their behaviour from their partners, leading to feelings of unhappiness, irritability, with severe consequences on their relationship. For the cross-dresser who chooses to ‘come out’ to his partner, the reaction is initially one of revulsion and rejection. The discovery is accompanied by feelings of shame and embarrassment, betrayal, anger and confusion. It leads to such questions as “Who is this man?” “What will people say if they find out?” “Is he gay?” “Does he want to be a woman?” He is still that man.

Discussion and professional counselling can prove helpful in working through these difficult times. Individuals who cross dress may seek counselling to better understand their desires, understand themselves, and feel in control. As for their partners, counselling may help them come to terms with it and learn to deal with the cross-dressing. Some try to understand it. Others never do. Questions, concerns, column suggestions? Leave a comment here or email Catherine at catherinenovac@videotron.ca.